


Never Get Enough Of You

by Bkfstclubmember, mabhathbeen, MusicOfTheMountain



Category: Coast to Coast - lumosinlove, Sweater Weather - Lumosinlove
Genre: Established Relationship, Inspired by Sweater Weather | Coast to Coast - lumosinlove, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Multi, O'Knutzy, Polyamory, finnlo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:42:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bkfstclubmember/pseuds/Bkfstclubmember, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mabhathbeen/pseuds/mabhathbeen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicOfTheMountain/pseuds/MusicOfTheMountain
Summary: Finn and Logan are alone at the apartment while Leo is visiting family in NOLA, maybe for a wedding of a distant cousin. Logan is having so many feelings and not the right words for them but he needs to saythingshe's kept to himself for years so he writes Finn a letter over a few days, trying to put everything onto paper that he can't say outloud.
Relationships: Finn O'Hara/Logan Tremblay, Finn O'Hara/Logan Tremblay/Leo Knut
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. Never Get Enough Of You

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Coast To Coast](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24150220) by [lumosinlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumosinlove/pseuds/lumosinlove). 



> This collaboration is very close to our hearts. It started, as many wonderful things do, on the Hazelnuts’ discord server sometime before the last chapter of Coast to Coast came out. The first and foremost thanks goes to @lumosinlove for creating such a vibrant universe for us to play in and amazing characters for us to love; and for the heartbreakingly beautiful “He’d burn worlds for Finn.” line. A huge heap of lovin’ to our wonderful Cap for creating the server and giving us all a place to yell about Sweater Weather and Coast to Coast. 
> 
> Words in collaboration by @mabhathbeen @Athenowl @MusicOfTheMountain  
> Letter transcribed by @bkfstclubmember

“Lo, did you do this?” Finn laughed as he kicked his shoes off and tossed his keys on the kitchen counter, where they skidded onto the carpet with a soft thud. “Aw.”

“Right off the posts, so close.” Logan cracked a smile at him, though his insides were twisted with nerves. The letter in his pocket was a burning weight.

Finn kissed his cheek, still staring at the table in wonder. The soft candlelight made the whole room glow in gentle oranges and golds. “Seriously, though, you did all this in forty-five minutes?”

“I had some of it ready to go earlier, but yeah. Surprised?”

“Very. What’s the occasion?”

“I love you.” Logan rested his temple on Finn’s shoulder and wrapped an arm around his waist. Soft brown eyes found his own and he felt his stomach swoop; he had known Finn for eight years and he never failed to give him butterflies like the very first time. “Also, Nutty’s gone and I miss food that isn’t takeout.”

“What are we having?”

“Grilled cheese and tomato soup.”

Finn’s laughter made his shoulders shake and nearly dislodged Logan from their hug. “You’re _such_ a romantic, Lo.”

“Do you want the soup or not, you ungrateful boyfriend?” Logan pinched him playfully on the ribs and Finn kissed him slowly.

“I would be honored to have some tomato soup from a can, mon armor.”

“Amour.”

“Baguette.”

“Shut up.”

Finn kissed him once more before ducking into the kitchen and grabbing bowls out of the cupboard. “Why does Leo put everything on the top shelves?”

“Because he’s tall as fuck and has no pity for the rest of us normal people.”

“I shouldn’t have to stand on my tiptoes in my own apartment to get bowls that I bought.”

Logan shook his head and smiled as he cut the grilled cheese sandwiches diagonally, the way he knew Finn liked them. He insisted on carrying the food out to the table and pulling Finn’s chair out for him, which earned him a suspicious look as he sat down as well. “What?”

“You pulled my chair out.”

“Mmhmm.”

“And cooked dinner.”

“Way to use your eyes, Fish,” he teased around the growing lump in his throat. God, Finn could probably smell the anxiety on him.

Sure enough, he paused and frowned mid-bite. “Are you okay? This isn’t like an ‘I’m going to break up with you but I made you a nice dinner to soothe the burn’ thing, right?”

“No!” Logan all but shouted. The letter was heavy in his pocket. “Merde, why the fuck would I do that? No, it’s just--it’s weird not having Leo here and we haven’t had a date night in ages.”

“What’s wrong, Lo?” Finn asked, reaching across the short distance between them to take his hand. He had always been so tactile around Logan; at first it drove him crazy, and now he needed it like oxygen. _How do you always know?_ He wanted to ask. _How do you always say what needs to be said?_

“Finish dinner and then I’ll tell you, okay? It’s nothing bad, but I’d feel better if we had some food first.” Logan shoved half a grilled cheese in his mouth before he could continue to ramble. Finn gave him a strange look out of the corner of his eye, but complied and made very unconvincing small talk between bites.

Logan hated in-between places. He was a black-and-white, yes-or-no, now-or-never kind of person and waiting in awkward limbo was beyond uncomfortable for him. They'd had years of that, of the two of them not talking. This was beginning to feel like when there was always something unsaid hanging in the air. There was a right way to do this and a wrong way, and he hoped he had chosen the right way.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Finn asked as soon as Logan had placed the last of the dishes in the sink with shaky hands. “You seem upset.”

“I’m not upset. Just nervous.”

“Did I do something?” Logan shook his head. “Is it about Leo?”

“No, Leo’s fine. He made fun of my soup idea earlier today, though.” He wiped his hands on his jeans and led Finn back to the table, gesturing for him to sit down again. “I have something for you.”

Finn’s eyebrows rose. “Oh? Do tell."

It required the strength of hauling a thousand zambonis, but Logan took the letter out of his pocket and held it out. It was a bit crinkled from his nervous twitching and the fabric of his pants, but the inside was the important part. “What is this, Tremz? Didn’t expect any presents… oh, is this the voucher to that sex shop you’ve been threatening to get me?”

“Uh, no, nothing like that. Just--you’ll see. I wrote it out because I’d fuck it up if I’d try to say it. It’s all in English, even, so really you should be grateful.”

“Lo, what-

“Please, just read it.” His voice came out much softer than intended and Finn blinked twice before reaching out and taking it carefully.

"Can I read it now or do you want me to read it in private?"

"Uh, you can read it now. If you want. It's...I wouldn't be able to say it the way I want-- _need_ \--to. So, I wrote it. But it's... this is how I felt. How I feel. About you. And I am not making the mistake of not telling you _ever again_ . So, be warned, it's like, _so sappy_.” He paused for a moment and bit his lip. “But it's also true. All of it."

Finn’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open a little as he looked down at the letter with a new perspective. With a final glance to Logan, who felt like he was about to melt through the floor, he unfolded it.

God, he was so _careful_. His fingers smoothed the creases and rough edges where Logan had worried at it and scratched out sentence after sentence. He mouthed along to each word like he wanted to read it aloud. Finn looked at Logan’s letter like it was something holy, something sacred.

He was barely on the second sentence--Logan had rewritten the damn thing so many times he could read it on Finn’s lips--when his eyes started to gloss over with tears. He sucked in a sharp, shallow breath and glanced up, reaching for Logan’s hand. “Lo... this is--you--"

"Shh, read it till the end Harz. Tell me after. I just...need you to read all of it first."

Finn nodded silently and looked back down, but he kept their fingers twined together. The tears were dripping freely down his freckled cheeks in under a minute and Logan did his best to quell his own emotions. He lost track of time, caught in the middle space of _should he be done by now?_ and _please, god, I don’t want to face these feelings yet_. “Well, fuck,” Finn said at last. “Fuck, Lo.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he laughed while he swiped at the dampness on his face. “God, I’m such a wreck, I’m dripping all over this--come here, you.”

Logan fell into his open arms; he wanted to dissolve into Finn’s warmth and the thudding heart against his own. “That bad, huh?”

“I love you. I love you so much, Logan Tremblay. I’ve known you for eight years and I’ve loved you for every last second of them.” 

“You’re the best part.”

“Of what?”

“Everything. You and Leo are everything to me.”

Finn shuddered under his tight grip and pressed his face against Logan’s neck as his shoulders crumpled beneath the weight of his words. “It’s okay that you’re not good at talking. I don’t blame you for Har--for _anything_ before. That’s on both of us and we’re fixing it. We’re fixing it and we’re better now and it’s going to be alright. We deserve that much.”

“We do, we really do.” Logan swallowed back his tears and placed kiss after kiss wherever he could reach. How could he have fought so hard against this when it was where he felt most at home? “There were so many times I wanted to tell you.”

"I'm never leaving you behind again."

"I'm never letting you leave without talking"

The next kiss they fell into tasted of salt and the words they had just spoken. Logan felt the gravity of their promises all the way to his core. Nothing would sway him now. Not anymore. Every shared breath between them was a hurricane but they remained unmovable in the center of it, anchored in each other, all the fears and doubts that echoed between them for years dissipating with each press of lips to skin and every half-whispered _I_ _love you_ and _I’m here_. Suddenly, Finn pulled away and his eyes roved all over Logan’s face, his hands tightening their hold on Logan’s hips. 

"Lo, I need you."

"You have me."

"No. I _need_ you."

"Oh. Yes, _yes. Please._ Just- yes."

Time stopped then, suspended between one breath and the next, as the immensity of what was about to happen hit them both in the same moment. Logan felt it in the way his chest expanded almost painfully, the inhale just on the cusp of too much before he’d have to let go and fall, _just like he fell for Finn_ , the exhilarating feeling of flight warring with the nauseous uncertainty, clogging his throat and trapping any words from escaping. 

He saw it in the way Finn’s eyes widened, the way his shoulders rose just a fraction before he settled, radiating a breathless wonder, the same wide-eyed awe that had been there all those years ago right before their first kiss happened. 

Logan didn’t remember much from that night. Every memory was laced with a bitter aftertaste of cheap alcohol and the ever-present fear of being found out, of being _known_ , but he remembered that same sweet look of surprise in Finn’s eyes just before he closed the distance between them. The same thought he'd had then echoed back to him now. It had made a home in his heart back then despite himself, despite him not wanting to acknowledge it in all the years that followed. 

_I’ll never get enough of this._

_I’ll never get enough of_ you. 

There was a new thing there as well, Logan realized, and when he gave a name to it, he suddenly felt invincible, like he could move mountains and fight the whole world if he had to, to keep this. _Trust._ Finn _trusted_ him. Finn trusted him this much. Even after being hurt time and again by Logan’s silence. _Never again_ , Logan vowed to himself, and with Finn’s hand still in his, he felt steady enough to know there were words needed now, too. 

“Are you sure, mon rouge?”

“I just- I want you close right now. I need you close. As close as possible. And I--I want to try. I trust you, Lo, and I love you so much.”

“Baby. I love you too. _So much_. And I want you closer, too. We’ll go slow. We can stop any time if you’re not comfortable. Just keep talking to me.”

Logan pressed one last long kiss to Finn’s lips before climbing off his lap and taking his hands, pulling him up and towards their bedroom, walking backwards the whole way, unwilling to break eye contact. He never wanted to stop looking at Finn, especially when Finn looked back at him, _into him_ , with such openness and love. Logan drank it in like it was ambrosia after years of being parched, so close to divinity he could almost taste it but wasn’t allowed to reach for it. Hadn’t allowed himself to. 

_You are allowed to love him_ , the voice in his head whispered as they crossed the threshold to the bedroom. 

_You are allowed to have this,_ his heart drummed against his breastbone as he pulled Finn towards him and slipped his hands under his shirt to take it off him, letting it drop to the floor. 

They undressed each other with a new kind of reverence, each movement honey-slow and deliberate. Logan felt shaky like the first time on skates, unsure and careful, but wanting it so badly he was dizzy with it. 

He was aware of every moment, fingers dancing over shoulders and lips brushing over cheekbones as he sat back against the headboard and pulled Finn into his lap, sighing with contentment at the grounding weight of him settling over his thighs. They stole gasps from each other’s mouths and pressed indents into skin like dropping anchors. There was no hurry, just a steadily rising tide of insistence. 

Finn pulled away for just a moment, still close enough that Logan felt every word form on his soft lips. “I--I want--”

“I know,” he said. Simple. Easy. They had never been simple and easy before; it was a nice feeling. He leaned into it and let it steady him as he reached to the bedside table drawer where they kept the bottle of lube, keeping one arm around Finn’s waist. “How do you want--”

“Just like this.” 

Nodding, Logan continued pressing everything he felt for Finn into his skin with his lips and his hands, writing endearments onto his ribs with his fingertips, reverent and so, so tender, making his way down Finn’s body. There were a thousand paths to take and they had time for them all. Taking Finn apart was one of Logan’s favourite pastimes, although it usually ended up with Finn and Leo taking _him_ apart. They had been together many times at this point ( _‘Whose bed?’ ‘Mine, I want memories in that thing’)_ , made beautiful, _gorgeous_ memories together, the three of them, but this time was different. This time felt like righting an old wrong, healing a wound; a first they could have together. Something they never let themselves have before. 

Logan leaned back as he slicked his fingers and ran his thumb down Finn’s spine, making him shiver as he pressed into the small divots of his lower back. Someday, he wanted to spend hours admiring those dimples, placing kiss after kiss into the softness until Finn understood how much love overflowed from Logan into every part of his body. 

But not tonight. Tonight was about facing the deep well of feelings he’d been drowning in for as long as he’d known Finn, about finally sinking all the way to the bottom where he used to hide it all instead of allowing himself to feel it. Every moment his heart had skipped a beat when Finn held his eyes a second too long. Every stolen touch he had hoarded like gold and then berated himself over in the safety of his thoughts. Every memory of the two of them tinged with _want_ and _love_ and _fear_ and _can’t_. It was all in the light now, poured onto paper and into Finn’s hands like an offering. Tonight was about not looking away and he wanted to see Finn, wanted to etch into memory every expression on that beloved face as he allowed him in, a treasured gift of trust and open need for closeness that was so much more than skin deep. 

Finn’s grip tightened on his shoulders and he flinched as Logan’s hand trailed lower. “Are you okay?” he murmured, pulling away. Finn’s eyes were squeezed shut and tension shadowed every plane of his body.

“I’m okay,” Finn said shakily.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” Logan drew him in for another kiss and returned his hand to its previous position, running his coated fingers over Finn’s hole in slow circles. Finn let out a shuddering breath, then rocked back slightly. His weight resettled on Logan’s thighs, his knees pressing into the mattress as he melted into him.

“ _Yes_ ,” Finn breathed, little more than a whisper. Logan nosed against his collarbone, licking slow stripes up miles of salty-sweet skin. There was no need to distract here--he wanted Finn to feel _everything_.

Logan wrapped his arm around Finn’s waist and squeezed lightly. _Relax_. Finn leaned forward further; they weren’t even kissing anymore, just catching each other’s gasps as Logan slowly pressed one finger in. Finn made a strangled noise and jolted, his mouth dropping open as the movement accidentally pushed the rest of Logan’s finger in. “Finn?”

“Holy fuck. Holy _fuck_ that’s--that’s good.” He sounded surprised, as if he had shocked himself by admitting it. He captured Logan’s lips in a bruising kiss and rolled his hips back again, which did absolutely nothing to quell Logan’s desire to just grab him and _go_.

Finn ran his hands up and down Logan’s arms. _More_. 

Two taps to freckled hips. _Hold on_.

Soon, they were up to three fingers and Finn seemed moments away from losing his damn mind and he panted against Logan’s jawline and writhed in his lap, one hand clenched on the headboard and the other pulling slightly at the nape of Logan’s neck. He was astonishingly warm, Logan thought. Warm and solid and endless. “Lo--” his voice broke. “Lo, baby, please.”

“Shhh, I’ve got you.” Logan bit down lightly on his pulse point and rolled the skin between his teeth, drawing a hitching gasp from him. “Just hold on to me and breathe, mon amour.”

As he poured lube on his dick, he traced the outline of Finn’s ribs, feeling each bump and gentle arc that protected the beautiful, bleeding heart within. He bent his head and kissed every bit he could reach until Finn’s chest was peppered with small red marks and both his hands were tangled in Logan’s hair. It was getting longer, and made the perfect handhold for him to tug at.

“Are you ready?” Logan asked, leaning back so he could look into Finn’s eyes.

Finn swallowed heavily and nodded once. “Yes.”

Logan lined himself up and pushed in slowly, keeping his gaze trained on Finn for any sign of discomfort. Instead of seeing a wince or a frown or anything that would make Logan hesitate, he got a front-row seat to the best show of his life. Finn’s jaw went slack and his pupils dilated, hands flexing where they held Logan like he was the only tether left on the earth and knees squeezing his thighs tight enough to burn. He muttered something under his breath. 

“What was that?”

Finn’s eyes refocused and he cradled Logan’s face in shaking hands, pulling him in until their foreheads pressed together. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Logan said. “I might be bad at talking about my feelings, but I’ll never leave that unsaid.”

Finn whined high in his throat and shifted to get his knees under him, rising and falling in an unsteady slide that made Logan’s whole body quake. It was good--of course it was good, it was _Finn_ \--but Finn didn’t really know what he was doing and Logan wanted to make this the best it could be. He grabbed the sharp bones of his hips, stilling his movement, and cocked his head in a silent request for control.

A wave of relief washed over Finn’s face and Logan kissed him softly before lowering him to sit down fully once again. He adjusted himself so he was laying back on the pillows more, then pushed upward into the tight heat. Finn’s head dropped forward and he huffed a short breath before looking back at Logan with bright eyes. “So good,” he said softly, reaching out to touch Logan’s lips with feather-light fingers. “So good for me.”

For a moment, guilt stabbed through Logan and he stuttered his steady motion. _I wasn’t good for you_ , he wanted to say. _I was horrible, and cruel, and you deserve everything light and wonderful in this world_.

But he had made a promise in that letter; he had made a promise that he would be better. That he would stop running away from what he loved and start throwing himself into it, heart and soul. So he held Finn’s thigh and his back and his heart in his hands and dragged him under the rolling sea of electricity that crackled through every one of his nerves.

Finn was practically glowing; he looked like a fairytale prince come to life as the curls that flopped over his eyes turned dark with sweat. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” Logan asked, entwining their fingers.

A lazy smile spread across his face, the kind that crinkled the corners of his eyes. “Look who’s talking.”

Logan shook his head; he had to _understand_. “Finn, look at me.” Finn’s smile slipped, but he did as Logan asked. “Leo is the sun, but you--” His voice threatened to give out and he trailed his palm across the planes of Finn’s chest. “You’re every one of the stars, mon rouge.”

Finn’s eyes shone and Logan leaned up to kiss him breathless, running one hand down his thigh to hitch it toward his waist as he began to thrust in again. Their chests bumped together as Finn slid their joined hands up the sheets to press them down on either side of Logan’s head. “For so long,” he said on the tail end of a gasp. “I’ve wanted you for so long. Do you remember that night on the roof?” Logan nodded, brushing his lips along Finn’s cheek as he angled upwards, a movement that made Finn’s ridiculously strong legs clench around him. “God--fuck--I wanted to kiss you then and hold you until morning.”

“Me, too.” Finn rested more of his weight in his hands as he picked up the pace, effectively pinning Logan to the mattress while he chased the high. “Kiss me now.”

And he did. Oh, how he kissed him. If Leo kissed like a tide, Finn was the life-giving rain of a summer storm on the hottest of days, the one you’ve been waiting for forever with bated breath, Logan thought even as he was tilting his head up to the sky and parting his lips, parched for every kiss, catching each drop with this mouth and chasing it with his tongue. He could feel Finn everywhere, a thrum of thunder underneath his hands on Finn's ribcage, lightning flashing every time Logan caught his eyes, the electric charge between them raising goosebumps on Logan’s skin. 

_My perfect storm._

Logan was so preoccupied with Finn’s lips and tongue that he nearly forgot to match his slow riding. _I wonder…_

Logan tightened his hold on Finn’s hands and ground his hips in a slow circle before canting them up in a quick movement. Finn went stock-still and nearly slid off his lap, eyes flaring wide as an astonished gasp tore its way from his lungs. “Oh-- _oh_.”

“There it is,” Logan said, grinning up at him as he thrashed to get the feeling back.

“Again,” Finn begged, his back bowing down. “Again, again, c’mon Lo.”

Who was Logan to deny him anything? Finn’s hands slipped out of Logan’s and moved to grasp the sheets, twisting them as he struggled to keep a hold on himself. He was close--Logan could tell by the way his eyes were starting to flutter closed and the muscles around his dick grew tighter by the minute. He ran one hand down Finn’s abdomen and wrapped it around his shaft the way he knew he liked it; Finn downright keened, stretching his arms far above Logan’s head

“You can let go,” he murmured. “I’ll catch you.”

Finn groaned, low and desperate as he rocked into Logan’s hand. “ ‘m so close, fuck.”

“Hey, beautiful.” Logan reached out with his free hand and brushed Finn’s hair off his forehead, then stroked his cheek and jawline. Finn leaned into the touch and stared down at him--those huge brown doe eyes watched him with a mix of lust, relief, and a tinge of utter softness. “Bambi,” he whispered, tracing the sharp peak of his cheekbone,

Logan tried to hold him through it, he really did, but Finn fell to pieces and all he could do was let it happen. Hands scrambled for purchase on his arms, chest, shoulders as well as the poor sheets; Finn’s whole face scrunched up before relaxing entirely as he came at last. “Logan,” he moaned. “Logan, Lo, love you, ngh, Leo, _Logan_ \--”

And _god_ he wondered if Finn knew what that did to him, if he remembered that the first time he had made Logan come, it had been the sound of the boy he loved saying his name that pushed him over. _His_ name. Him, Finn wanted _him_ and this proved it. ( _‘Logan. Logan._ **_Logan._ ** _’)_

The world went fuzzy for a moment as Logan followed suit, arching into Finn’s heaving chest and gripping his hips hard. “I love you,” he gritted out between whines. “Love you so much.”

The wild beating of his heart echoed Finn’s as they caught their breath, boneless and content and still connected, the thousand invisible strings between them humming in perfect harmony into the hushed silence of the bedroom. Logan revelled in the calm that slowly laid over them like a blanket. It got him every time, the certainty that he was right where he belonged, that they had time, that they chose to be here with each other, again and again. That they loved each other. He tightened his arms around Finn, one hand tangled his hair and the other arm wound around his back, pulling him impossibly closer. They would have to move soon, before they literally stuck together, but for now Logan just held on. 

A huff of air in his ear, a kiss pressed into his cheek, and then Finn was lifting his head and nudging their noses together, still so close.

“Hi.” Logan’s voice was barely a whisper, unwilling to disturb the bubble that enveloped them, both still floating down from the high of their love-making. Finn just smiled, his eyes roving over Logan’s face, staying close and quiet. “Hi,” Logan started again. “I love you.”

“I know. You wrote me a love letter.” 

“It wasn’t a-- okay, it was. I did. I meant it, too.” Logan let out a slow breath, hands coming up to cup Finn’s face. “Are you okay? How do you feel?” 

“I’m okay, Lo. More than okay. Just want to stay here.”

“I think that can be arranged, _mon amour_.”

“I still don’t speak French when my brain is mush, you know.”

“I know.” Logan smiled and pulled his head down to rest against his collarbone as large hands smoothed along his ribs. “Not bad for our first time, eh?”

Finn made a confused noise against his skin. “That was definitely not our first time.”

“It was for you doing _that_.” Logan felt a slow grin spread across his face until Finn raised his head and propped himself on his elbows. The debauched, aching need had been replaced by a sated joy that seeped from every part of him.

“Hmmm. Well, in that case…” He trailed off and pressed a long, slow kiss to Logan’s mouth, letting out a happy sigh when they separated. “How’s that for an answer?”

“You’re a dork, O’Hara.”

“And you love me for it.”

Logan rubbed their noses together. “Yeah, I do.”

“I really don’t want to get up.” Finn slid his arms beneath Logan’s lower back and rested his chin on his chest, staring up at him with a pleading pout.

“Neither do I.”

“Our pajamas are on the chair and we’re both all sticky.”

“Hop to it then, Mr. I-Like-Feeling-Useful,” Logan teased. Finn squeezed him around the waist in retaliation and rolled them over so Logan was laying on his chest, cocking his head to look up at him with a sappy smile. “Stop that.”

“What?”

“Looking at me like that.” Despite his protests, Logan snuggled closer and kissed his cheek.

“But you’re hot.” Finn laughed as Logan flicked him on the arm, and ran his hands up his spine. “Hmmm.”

“What’s ‘hmmm’?”

“I like holding you. You’re warm and soft.”

“I’m big and scary.”

Finn raised one eyebrow. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Logan bit down lightly on his shoulder. “See?”

“Kinky.”

“ _Merde_ , there’s no winning with you.” They cuddled in silence for a little while longer until Finn sighed again, sounding more wistful. “What’s on your mind, _mon rouge_?”

“I miss Leo.”

“Me, too. Three days and he’ll be home again.” When Finn made a halfhearted sound of agreement, Logan entwined their fingers and kissed his knuckles. “Think about it this way: we’ll have some new stuff to show him when he gets back, _ouais_? We can have a Peanut appreciation day.”

“One of these days it’s going to be Logan appreciation day.” Finn hummed and let his head fall back on the pillows as Logan kissed down his wrist. “Then you’ll understand why that just turned me on so much.”

“Is that a promise?”

“That’s a _threat_.” Finn’s grin widened as Logan bit his lip. 

“And you have the nerve to call me kinky?”

“I have the nerve to do a lot of things,” Finn said as he rolled them back over and pressed Logan down with the full weight of his body.

“Oh, really?”

“Mhm. Hey, guess what?”

“What?”

“I’m not tired yet.”

"Kiss me then." 

Finn hovered over Logan, staying just out of reach, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes as he slowly licked his lips, smirking at the way Logan strained against his hold. Then his eyes turned soft and he slowly pressed a long, close-mouthed kiss to Logan’s lips, humming into it and feeling Logan melt into the mattress underneath, eyes closing.

“I will, I’ll kiss you for every word you wrote in that letter, and every word you didn’t. And for every word you’ll write yet.” 

“Don’t get used to it,” came a mumbled response from Logan, a blush rising in his cheeks. 

The truth was, he would do anything for Finn. He would burn worlds for Finn. He’d write a hundred letters and cut his heart open to drip feelings directly onto paper for every single one, if it meant Finn kept looking at him like that. _I’ll never get enough of this_ , Logan thought again, as he was being kissed by the boy he had loved for eight years and forever.

_I’ll never get enough of_ you _._


	2. The Letter

~~_Harz_ ~~ _._ ~~_Finn_ ~~ _._ ~~_Fish_ ~~ _._

_Mon amour_

_Fuck, this is hard and I haven’t even written anything yet. You know I’m not good with talking and_ _I know_ _I’ve hurt you because of that, so many times and I’m so fucking sorry Finn. I am so so sorry. And so stupidly grateful that you still stayed with me despite all that. You didn’t deserve that. I definitely didn’t deserve_ ~~_that_~~ _you. So, thank you._

 _I also promised that it won’t happen again but that hasn’t made talking easier. Who knew, huh? It’s just, the feelings are so big sometimes that I don’t even know how to_ ~~_have them_ ~~ _deal with them, let alone talk about them. But you deserve to know. I want you to know how much of me was shaped by loving you. By just having you by my side, in my life. In the world._ _~~By missing you~~. _

_I didn’t want to see it, I was so afraid I’d lose everything I wanted. Hell, what_ _we_ _wanted. Hockey is amazing but it’s also brutal and I didn’t believe I was allowed to have both. I never saw anyone who did, so why would I be the exception? Why even try when it could ruin everything not only for me, but for you too? And you are so brilliant on the ice, Harz. I couldn’t risk it. I convinced myself it was better that way. That if we tried, you’d come to regret it. Never listened to your side because I decided for both of us. I see that now. I realized_ ~~_when Cap left Loops at the airport that_ ~~ _that was me leaving you, saying no to you and making us both miserable. I am so sorry. And so fucking glad I got the wake-up call when I did, even though I hate what had to happen for me to realize._

 ~~ _Do you remember_~~ _I remember looking at you and wondering if you could feel the same way I felt about you. I remember telling myself it was better to not know, because what good was it to hope for something that could never happen anyway? I got so good at lying to myself that I kept on lying to you too. Even after we kissed._ ~~ _Even after we got off together_~~ ~~ _slept together well not slept but_~~ ~~ _ah fuck_ _this_~~ _Even after I got a taste of how we could be and ran from it, against everything in me pulling me towards you. Even after you telling me, in words, in my face, that you wanted me, and how fucked up is that? I wanted you too. I always wanted you. I don’t know how not to want you. I want you so much it hurts. Well, it doesn’t now, not anymore, or rather not in a bad way… but I spent eight years trying to bury that part of me and even thinking of that still hurts._

 _And that is why I wanted to tell you all of this._ _I think_ _I know that if I feel that pain when I’m thinking about it, you must feel it too. I see it in your eyes when it comes up, I see you pushing it all back down, because I’ve been doing the same. And I don’t want us to hurt because of that anymore. We’ve grown so much together and I heard that talking about issues is a grown-up thing so I’m trying it the best way I can._ _~~So maybe expect a few more of these~~. _ _I hope it’s okay. I hope you understand what I want to tell you._

 _It’s this: I love you, Finn O’Hara --and those three words feel too small to properly hold everything that I feel for you and_ _still_ _I wasn’t able to say it to you for the longest time._ _And I’m sorry. Yet another three words that can’t possibly say how much, but I don’t have any words that are better, so for what it’s worth: I am sorry. For holding you at arm’s length when all I wanted to do was to be close to you. For not talking, and for not wanting to talk about the not-talking. I feel ready now to unpack all the reasons why because I know you’ll catch me when I inevitably fall to pieces_ _~~but you shouldn’t have to, it’s my own fault and I’ve hurt you enough~~. _ _And I’m here to catch you too, I need you to know that. I get that it’ll be hard, fuck even writing all this is hard, but I have you and Leo now and with you two supporting me, loving me, I feel like I can do anything._

_I love you, Finn. Always._


End file.
